Weather Watch

A couple of weeks ago we had a bit of a cold spell and temperatures were dropping below freezing with the threat of snow. I always keep an eye on the weather when it’s like this because it means I have to plan in advance when it comes to the girl’s water. If I leave it out overnight it’s likely to freeze and they won’t be impressed pecking at a tray of ice in the morning. Filling the chicken drinkers with warm water before I go to work should on the face of it be a relatively simple task. No. Not in my garden. It’s actually a full scale, strategically timed and meticulously planned operation!

I’ve mentioned before that my garden is quite long and very steep. At 5.20am when I get up for work, the very bottom of the garden (where the chickens are) is pitch black and to be honest, quite scary! It’s semi-rural where we live and the end of the garden is surrounded on three sides by trees and hedgerows. My clever husband, anticipating the problem of dark winter mornings and evenings installed an extra light on the shed halfway down the garden for such occasions. When it’s plugged in inside the shed it lights the bottom half of the garden. It’s a sensor light though so I have been caught in the dark when it has gone off and had to blindly stumble far enough back up the garden to activate it again before going back down to the bottom to finish off in the chicken run. The other minor hitch with the light is this – the hen house is inside a walk-in run but it has an automatic door operated by a light activated sensor on the roof of the hen house. If this door opens, a flock of sleepy hens is likely to come tumbling out thinking morning has arrived and it’s unlikely they would consider going back to bed for a lie in once they’d started their breakfast.

So, this is what happens –

I fall groggily out of bed when my alarm goes off at 5.20 am and stumble downstairs (still in my pyjamas) to the kitchen. It’s pitch black. A quick look out of the window confirms the garden steps will be perilously icy – let the journey begin.

Step (1) – Fill Drinkers. Knowing the temperature would drop below freezing overnight, I’d brought the plastic chicken drinkers up the night before. To fill one I have to unlock the base by twisting it and turn the drinker upside down so it’s standing on its head then I can fill it with around 3 litres of warm water. The drinker has a little handle on the top so standing it on its head is always a bit of a balancing act. The next step is to hold the full, slightly unbalanced, upside down drinker steady whilst the base is locked back into place. Then, very quickly to avoid as much spillage as possible, the drinker gets flipped back up the right way and gravity does the rest filling the base tray of the drinker with water. From experience, I’ve discovered it’s always worth double checking the base is securely locked into place before the drinker gets picked up by the little handle. Failure to do this WILL result in 3 litres of warm water all over the kitchen floor.

Step (2) – Curse. Quietly swear under breath and mop 3 litres of warm water off the kitchen floor after ignoring my own advice. Repeat Step (1).

Step (3) – Switch lights on. Time check, 05:25hrs. Check I have my phone in my pocket if I fall and need to ring sleeping husband to rescue me. Put the outside sensor light on which lights up some of the top part of the garden, go into the garage and put on appropriate footwear and outerwear  over aforementioned pyjamas, (think Arctic Expedition meets Michelin Man), grab a torch, pick up the two water drinkers and begin the descent.

Step (4) Curse. Realise that holding the torch is not an option as my twice gloved hands are carefully carrying water drinkers. Curse slightly louder than before, after all I am outside now. Make a mental note to add head torch to shopping list so I can actually see where I’m going.

The first part of the garden isn’t too bad – it’s a small paved patio area outside the back door which leads to a few concrete steps. This is where the real fun starts. There’s a flagged, sloping path down the centre of the garden with grass on either side – this leads to the gate, the halfway point. The trick is to walk very carefully on the frozen grass as overnight, the path has been transformed into an ice slide rivalling even Elsa’s creations in Frozen.

Step (5) – Aim for gate. Torch now shoved in pocket, water drinker in each hand, I hesitantly make my way down the grass to the gate, where of course the bolt is frozen shut. As luck would have it,  I have some warm water of which a small amount can be ‘carefully slopped’ on to the frozen bolt. Then, juggling the water drinkers I open the gate and begin the next descent onto more concrete steps which are all glistening devilishly with ice.

At this point, my movement has triggered the sensor light on the outside of the shed which lights up the wooden deck to my right. This comes on as I tentatively reach the second step through the gate. Time to re-group – I put the water drinkers down, open the shed and plug in the second sensor light. This immediately lights up the bottom part of the garden whilst at the same time, creating menacing shadow monsters.

Step (6) – Focus, be very, very careful (and ignore the scary shadow monsters…and all the scary noises). Very slowly I carry on and reach the bottom of the concrete steps which take me to the start of a steep, uneven, grassy downhill slope which leads to more steps made from sleepers dug into the ground. This is the accident black spot – I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve fallen going up and down this bit of the garden. With increasing trepidation, I walk down these steps like a child, cautiously planting one foot firmly on a step before allowing the other to join it. Finally, and with a sigh of relief, I reach the door to the chicken run. Again, using the tried and tested water technique, I free the two frozen bolts on the door of the run, step in and on to safe ground.

Step (7) –  Be fast. There’s no time to be complacent and celebrate my victorious descent. I have to get in and get out. It’s only a matter of time before the plugged in sensor light goes out plunging me into darkness or before it triggers the automatic door to open and I’m surrounded by sleepy, confused hens. I put the chicken drinkers in their place and close and bolt the door of the run. I get the torch out of my pocket and start making my way carefully back up the garden, hoping I make it in time before the light goes off.

Step (8) – Feel slightly less scared. I’ve safely reached the bottom of the concrete steps; the light is still on, I’ve not fallen and I’ve not been pounced upon by the shadow monsters (although sometimes they seemed so close I could actually hear their breath).

Step (9) – Stop holding my breath. After an icy ascent back up the concrete steps I arrive safely by the shed. I unplug the sensor light, close the shed door and continue making my way carefully up the rest of the steps and through the gate.

Step (10) – The end is in sight but don’t be complacent. I bolt the gate behind me and begin the final climb up the deceptively icy grass slope. Now my water drinker burden is gone I can use the torch to light the bottom of the last steps as the top outside sensor lights don’t get this bit. There’s the temptation to rush as I see the light from the garage but slipping is still on the cards. I know from experience that falling up a slope is just as bad as falling down a slope!

Step (11) – Re-group and unpack kit. Get back in the garage, shut the door and feel immensely relieved that I didn’t need to wake sleeping husband to come and pick me up off the floor.  Put the torch away and remove multiple layers of clothing until just the pyjamas remain. Turn off the outside lights.

Step (12) – Final time check 05:32hrs. Declare mission successfully completed. Head back upstairs to get ready for work feeling incredibly pleased with myself that despite challenging and treacherous conditions everything went smoothly.

Step (13) – Test memory recall. Spend the next 5 minutes trying to remember what I made a mental note to remember less ten minutes ago.

Step (14) – Remember. Finally remember that I need to add ‘head torch’ to my shopping list but forget again by the time I’ve left for work.

Step (15) – Check the weather forecast. Freezing temperatures predicted. Repeat steps (1) to (15) all over again tomorrow morning. Seriously consider the unrealistic option of relocating the 18 x 5 x 6 foot chicken run to the top of the garden!